Mother's Day

Today should be the final holiday before I meet you! I should be 38 weeks, giant belly, miserable but yet happy, anxious for your arrival. I should have spent today at home snuggled up with Reagan and feeling you move all around. Instead I spent it missing what should have been. I miss you, I think of you constantly especially as your due date draws near. It was hard in the beginning, when I first lost you. I remember just being in this fog, being so incredibly sad, feeling like my day to day life was just pure routine, that I was just getting through my day to just get through my day. I remember crying, every day at random times, thinking of you constantly. I thought that was the hardest part of this all, the first few weeks of losing you. But now, now it's like a whole other longing. The closer I get to your due date, the closer I get to when I should be welcoming you into this world, holding you, kissing you, spending all my time with you, the harder it gets. I keep thinking of next year, when I should be celebrating my first Mother's Day with you & I won't be, I won't ever get to do that. There is so much I wanted to do with you, so much I 'll never get to do with you. I miss you so much & I'd give anything to have you back. I'm not sure this gets easier, I'm not sure you're ever going to be far from my mind, not that I want you to, but I want this to hurt less.
I love you Wyatt James. 💕Until we meet again