A New Year
December 31st, 2018
A new year is about to start, a new year without you. I thought 2018 was hard, I thought losing you was devastatingly hard. I knew it wouldn't be easy afterwards, I knew that my life would be forever changed, & I knew that this part of my journey would be unbelievably hard. I didn't know that as my "due date" draws nearer that it would get harder yet. I was looking forward to 2019 because I thought that I needed a new year, I needed a fresh slate. I realize now that I will never get a fresh slate, losing you will forever be a part of my life, of me. I dread your "due date", I dread everything about the month of May now, I dread 2019. I won't have a baby in 2019, I won't have you. 2019 is going to be hard, I will try to make the best of it because I think that's what you would want. I'm still going to remember you, I'll write to you, I'll talk to you, I'll love you, & I'm still going to grieve you.
2018 has changed me in so many ways, I went into the year with a man that I wanted to spend my entire life with. I was happy, sure life still had its ups & downs, but at the end of the day I got to come home to Reagan & him & that made it all worth it. 2018 was the year of plans, a new house, trying for a baby, creating a strong & healthy relationship with the man I loved, sorting out custody with Reagan, & just creating memories. All of that went out the window, all my plans were up in smoke in front of my eyes. I bounced back, I changed courses, I went with the flow. By September I thought I had everything figured out. & then life threw me another curve ball, life brought me you, & then in an instant life took you away from me. So going into 2019, nothing is the same as last year & honestly it's taken me some time but I'm okay with that. The only thing I am not okay with is that 2018 took you. I would give anything to have you in 2019 & the rest of my life. I wish there was some way to bring you back to me, I wish I didn't have to wait my entire life to meet you finally. I miss you Wyatt James. Forever & for always.
So here's to 2019! To new memories, new life plans, & new days. I hope you're up there looking down on me & I hope you know I carry you in my heart every single day, every where I go. 2019 is going to be emotionally rocky, especially May. I know you're still with me though & you'll find a way to help me through it all. I love you.
A new year is about to start, a new year without you. I thought 2018 was hard, I thought losing you was devastatingly hard. I knew it wouldn't be easy afterwards, I knew that my life would be forever changed, & I knew that this part of my journey would be unbelievably hard. I didn't know that as my "due date" draws nearer that it would get harder yet. I was looking forward to 2019 because I thought that I needed a new year, I needed a fresh slate. I realize now that I will never get a fresh slate, losing you will forever be a part of my life, of me. I dread your "due date", I dread everything about the month of May now, I dread 2019. I won't have a baby in 2019, I won't have you. 2019 is going to be hard, I will try to make the best of it because I think that's what you would want. I'm still going to remember you, I'll write to you, I'll talk to you, I'll love you, & I'm still going to grieve you.
2018 has changed me in so many ways, I went into the year with a man that I wanted to spend my entire life with. I was happy, sure life still had its ups & downs, but at the end of the day I got to come home to Reagan & him & that made it all worth it. 2018 was the year of plans, a new house, trying for a baby, creating a strong & healthy relationship with the man I loved, sorting out custody with Reagan, & just creating memories. All of that went out the window, all my plans were up in smoke in front of my eyes. I bounced back, I changed courses, I went with the flow. By September I thought I had everything figured out. & then life threw me another curve ball, life brought me you, & then in an instant life took you away from me. So going into 2019, nothing is the same as last year & honestly it's taken me some time but I'm okay with that. The only thing I am not okay with is that 2018 took you. I would give anything to have you in 2019 & the rest of my life. I wish there was some way to bring you back to me, I wish I didn't have to wait my entire life to meet you finally. I miss you Wyatt James. Forever & for always.
So here's to 2019! To new memories, new life plans, & new days. I hope you're up there looking down on me & I hope you know I carry you in my heart every single day, every where I go. 2019 is going to be emotionally rocky, especially May. I know you're still with me though & you'll find a way to help me through it all. I love you.
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